Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
