Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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