May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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