idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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