Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
