She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
thus making me awesome and them whores
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
