My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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