I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
