Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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