I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
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Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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