i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
