My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
