im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
