she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
So here I am, sexting at work.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
