The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
