what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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