Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
