Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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