True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
jump out the window naked night went bad
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize