Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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