yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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