I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
