mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
