I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
