did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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