you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
