I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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