My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
He? As in you personified your dick?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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