I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
time to smoke my breakfast
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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