I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
