The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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