So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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