you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
