i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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