Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize