my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
