I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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