I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
