Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
