spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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