You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
