Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
