You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
