I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
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And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
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I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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