i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
