it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
