guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
