i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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