I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
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Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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