I'm passing your future prison.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
