some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
