I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
