Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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