In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Terrible idea I love it
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
