dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Found the puke drawer
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
