We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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