Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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