Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize