I am puke
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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