Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
