I am puke
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
